So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
