I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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