Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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