speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
