I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
