it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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