Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
