addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
