I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
