Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
