I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
