saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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