OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
