Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
