At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
