i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
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That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
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I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
how does that bad decision feel?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
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