Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
