you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
