Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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