apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize