Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
