just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
