I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
