there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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