Can i not drive my cunt home
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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