tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
