then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
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P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
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So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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