you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he told me I talked like a deaf person
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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