No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
sex in a hospital.. check
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
