We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
