i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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