we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
