She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
