bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
