I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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