The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Randomize
