I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
