He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
