U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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