it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
