Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Actions speak louder than pants.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
