How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
