Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
