I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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