Quick, to the slutcave!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
