Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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