Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
