I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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