I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I believe in your delicious
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
