census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It's official drugs can't kill me
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
