i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
