i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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