You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
