If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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