but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
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