the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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