If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
