my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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