At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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