STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
They are going to name an STD after you.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
