Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
