Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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