Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
third nipple confirmed
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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