New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
