6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
porn star boner night. come get it.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
