You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
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she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
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I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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