New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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