Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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