first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
