I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
